The World of Meditation

I decided that it is now the right time to write about my current life journey. This will be the first of many.

As I mentioned, I am from Korea. I was adopted at a very late age by an American family. Growing up, they have been very caring and supportive. I always felt loved. But there was a part of me that I kept hidden from them. I don’t think I was ever ready to discuss some of the feelings I had as an adoptee. It’s not that I don’t think they will understand. It’s more that I am still unsure about what I’ve been feeling all these years.

After getting my Bachelor’s, I moved immediately to Korea. It began with my desire to learn more about my roots as well as my love for traveling. I met a lot of great people here, many of them adoptees. My original plan was to stay here for a year or two, but that led to 4 and half years. After briefly living in Chicago for a couple of years, I found myself back once again. Now it’s been two and half years. Of course my days of partying and drinking continued.

It wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I realized that I had all this pent up anger and sadness inside me. I couldn’t figure out if it had anything to do with my adoption. I needed to figure out something about myself. I needed to learn more about why I am feeling this way and what I can do to heal myself. And since I’m not fluent in Korean, it’s hard for me to see a shrink in Korea. I could go back to the US and find one, but that would mean I would have to drop everything and go.

Then I started reading online about meditation. I have a friend who has always practiced meditation. He even encouraged me to try it once, but I was never patient enough. This time though, I decided that I should just give it a try. At first, it was hard. I had all these thoughts floating around in my head. It was nearly impossible to silence them. As soon as I stopped one voice, another would just start back up. Eventually though, it felt a little easier. I am still not quite sure about the proper techniques, but I realized that it has started to help me think clearer. I still have a long way to go, but I know that this is something that could help me get closer to the root of my problems.

Ok. I’m tired. It’s like after 1 in the morning, and I’ve been up since 4:30 am. I will pause here for now.

(to be continued…)

Posted on July 24, 2010 at 1:17 am by Lee · Permalink
In: My Life, Self Discovery · Tagged with: , , ,

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